The Unknown

Have you ever felt like something was happening just under the surface of life?  It's like those horror movies.  You hear ominous music, and there are two poor little people in the tiny rowboat in the middle of a pitch black lake.  The tension builds, and all of a sudden something huge and dark and scary jumps out of the water and...!  Okay, I admit it. I've never seen what actually happened after that.  I can't stand horror movies, and I end up either covering my eyes or running out of the room before the climax.  Usually both.

Or maybe it's like the week leading up to Christmas when you're a kid.  You're trying really hard to be good, and the adults are all walking around with suspicious-looking expressions on their faces.  When you try to get into a conversation, they tell you not to worry about it, because it has nothing to do with you.  Of course it does!  You know they're talking about your present!  Come on, it's Christmas, isn't it?  You just know something stupendous is going to happen!

Well, that's kind of the feeling I've been having.  Only it's vacillating between the two extremes.  It seems that something is going to happen, and I just have no idea what it might be.  It may be just that I think things have to change.  Maybe nothing will happen, but then I'm afraid I will have a nervous breakdown waiting for the nothing.  It is all so unsettling.

One thing I'm still trying to work on is how to contribute some money here.  The whole online writing thing has been rather less than lucrative, so I don't think that was meant to be.  I've had two possibilities come up in the last few weeks, but I don't really feel at peace about either of them.  Again, it's just a feeling.  Nothing I can put my finger on.  So my inclination is to keep waiting, but then I'm worried I would have missed my opportunity.  Especially the way the economy is, now.  It seems to be a good thing to have any job at all.

Well, there's my angst for the moment!  Thank you, dear readers, for being there!